Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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