just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
