Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
