my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You ruined the universe
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
