my mouth tastes like poor choices
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
