Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
