Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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