3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
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So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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