Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.

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  (757): If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans? (269): Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass. http://tfl.nu/u35z
  Replies (13) Good night (2445) Bad night (736)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  he is a creepy guy.

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  yea thats what heroine does to ppl.

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  (937): he is a creepy guy. (1-937): yea thats what heroine does to ppl. http://tfl.nu/28ly
  Replies (14) Good night (822) Bad night (4106)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?

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  (864): I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me? http://tfl.nu/6foj
  Replies (4) Good night (4485) Bad night (945)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.

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  (202): I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other. http://tfl.nu/g6xu
  Replies (24) Good night (4659) Bad night (1051)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor

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  (716): Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor http://tfl.nu/4crz
  Replies (7) Good night (2390) Bad night (597)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  where do you find these guys?

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  (413): he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight' (860): where do you find these guys? http://tfl.nu/yte1
  Replies (14) Good night (2792) Bad night (1200)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.

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  (207): It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast. http://tfl.nu/cal2
  Replies (8) Good night (935) Bad night (449)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.

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  (720): I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help. http://tfl.nu/0nf6
  Replies (5) Good night (434) Bad night (1064)
• Favorite

  (627): View more from California

  some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.

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  (627): some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/adi8
  Replies (9) Good night (1901) Bad night (375)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us

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  (912): We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us http://tfl.nu/f6nz
  Replies (3) Good night (1014) Bad night (316)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates

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  (908): I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates http://tfl.nu/99aw
  Replies (1) Good night (934) Bad night (264)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore

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  (603): The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore http://tfl.nu/4txe
  Replies (3) Good night (621) Bad night (226)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.

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  (217): List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list. http://tfl.nu/996t
  Replies (17) Good night (1362) Bad night (450)
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  (510): View more from California

  Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"

  (510): View more from California

  How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??

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  (510): Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion" (510): How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done?? http://tfl.nu/izmz
  Replies (5) Good night (598) Bad night (242)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants

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  (256): I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants http://tfl.nu/j7tx
  Replies (2) Good night (535) Bad night (201)

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