I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
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not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
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Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.