Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"

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(503): I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina" http://tfl.nu/3nun

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?

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(262): Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat? http://tfl.nu/beg4

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(775): View more from Nevada

they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.

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(775): they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it. http://tfl.nu/g3nc

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(845): View more from New York

i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.

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(845): i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it. http://tfl.nu/ii10

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(904): View more from Florida

Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?

(1-904): View more from Florida

six.

(904): View more from Florida

Oh, I thought it was higher.

(1-904): View more from Florida

No, that would be the Matt's

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(904): Another one? Damn, how many David's is that? (1-904): six. (904): Oh, I thought it was higher. (1-904): No, that would be the Matt's http://tfl.nu/8llg

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(913): View more from Kansas

The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.

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(913): The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off. http://tfl.nu/h8iv

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.

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(507): Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss. http://tfl.nu/1ntp

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(240): View more from Maryland

and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.

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(240): and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well. http://tfl.nu/nn8d

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(713): View more from Texas

he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"

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(713): he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses" http://tfl.nu/ra51

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.

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(608): Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out. http://tfl.nu/np60

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(916): View more from California

Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.

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(916): Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you. http://tfl.nu/jbv6

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(419): View more from Ohio

HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.

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(419): HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU. http://tfl.nu/87a2

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(910): View more from North Carolina

No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.

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(910): No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess. http://tfl.nu/luxa

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good

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(508): Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good http://tfl.nu/obpt

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..

(306): View more from Saskatchewan

also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.

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(306): woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize.. (306): also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor. http://tfl.nu/t99m

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