Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow