I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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