i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision