never play flip cup with pint glasses
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
