Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
