JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
