My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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