WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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