Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
