Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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