Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party