Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.