I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
