Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?