Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.