pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
