Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
