Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
