It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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