did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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