I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
