you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize