the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
