Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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