I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
