Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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