im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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