omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
