just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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