Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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