Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
