Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
