Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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