morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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