I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
