haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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