tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
