2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
COCAINE IS GR8
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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