just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
