Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
