Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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