So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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