How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
