Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
