You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
