My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
