I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
