on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
