Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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