i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
