Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
