The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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