did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Everyone says I win the strip club
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
