this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
