I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
