I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
