its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
