im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
