Fuck appropriateness.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Oh god it's open bar.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
