what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
