you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
