He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
