Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
