OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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