We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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