Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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