based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
