remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
