That's intense
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
